Self critical Perfectionism

Self critical perfectionism exibhit itself as an intense desire to be perfect at everything combined with higher sensitivity to other people's expectation and percieved criticism if they are not met.

We often end up hearing the following dialogues for women in society.

1."Oh wow what an ideal lady ,she takes care of her kids so nicely and manages her house so perfectly"

2. She is a very beautiful but whats the use if she can't do household chores.

3."What if her inlaws behaved in certain ways with her its her duty to adjust and manage".

4. "Incase husband says something to a wife she should not utter a word because then the things can take bad shape and her marriage can be at stake"

5.Oh my GOD ! she doesn't know how to cook...Her mother has not taught her anything etc etc .

The list is endless and countless but if we come to men then you will end up hearing very different dialogues.

1.He is a very good hearted person.

2.He is a very kind or cruel man.

3.He loves his wife so much or he doesn't give respect to his wife.

4 He is very intelligent person.

5 What a commendable thing being a boy he can cook so good.and again the list is endless.

Can you deduce the difference between comments ? 

For Women. Her capability  and character depends upon how she performs to reach upto the norms of society. She will be categorised into an unsuccesful human being if she fails to reach upto these particular standards.She is treated more like a household non living asset of house which was bought with the promise of 100percent output and till the time it is working upto your satisfaction it is well and good. otherwise you leave that item or buy a new one or u think that it needs repair.

For Men.He is always governed by his individuality. His nature and his way of dealing with family and people around him. He is always being treated as human being who can make mistakes at societal front.

In fact,a recent survey by Healthspan found that twice as many women worry about whether what they are good enough compared to men(30% vs 15%).

The worrying factor is the amount of stress many of us feel about whether our work is “good enough”besides the fact that we are obsessed to be perfect.We are also basing our self worth on opinions of other people and relying on external validation to feel good about ouselves. So how can we overcome this toxic thinking

 

1.       Perfect to good enough    

      "Aroll "explains that cognitive behaviour therapy is the best method to overcome this feeling of validating yourself on the basis of giving your best. But other than that the simple tip you can follow is taking your thought process from "perfect to good enough" state. Bring down your own expectation from yourself, In efforts of trying to impress other people or working as per others expectation will bring you stress and anxiety on your way and you will end up with no satisfaction at the end of the day.

        Be Yourself

ev    Every individual has their best threshhold and reaching upto that level gives you a feel of super excitement and happinesss but that threshhold may no be enough as per somebody else's expectation. so you try not to get fit into others expectations but always strive hard to fulfill your own expectation.

yy These are two magic tricks which we can apply to ourselves and can have a healthy way of living above all orthodoxity of the society. Thus ,can contribute to healthy society for future'.

Maj Harpreet Kaur (retd)

Clinical psychologist

The imperfectly perfect women.